We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
