I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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