Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize