I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
NoShamevember. You game?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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