Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Are we in a gay sports bar?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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