Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
