How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
