everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
