i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
