You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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