No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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