So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
