We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Randomize
