Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
how drunk are you?
Several
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize