its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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