i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
