When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
