how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Sorry about my life...
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
