I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
she told me i tasted like america
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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