what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
