wat bout pragnant strippers??
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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