I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
