Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
