she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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