I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
