you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
