fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
