i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i think my tv is drunk
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
