Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Found the puke drawer
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize