What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
