this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
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