Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
