bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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