I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
