this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
