our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Randomize
