woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
