I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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