he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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