The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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