My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
You're like the curious george of whores
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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