Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
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