i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize