I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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