I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Randomize