how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Randomize