Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
