At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
