yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
