At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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