great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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