And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
