if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
