Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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