that's an acceptable place to lick
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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