apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
