We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
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