your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
