I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
