the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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