yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
sex in a hospital.. check
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
