The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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