New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I wish you could order shots online.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
