You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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