i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
