She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
