I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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