Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Randomize
