Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
