You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
