singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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