So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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