i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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