12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
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