All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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