I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I came so hard my ears popped.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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