You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
