I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
