you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
