I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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