we made out on top of his cat.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
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