I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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