Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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