just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
