last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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