I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
