bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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