She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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