Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
