Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
