Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
