Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
