census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
