Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
