so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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